We here at Raising the Undead were sad to hear about the death of Michael Crichton from cancer. He wrote many popular and scientifically interesting books, and we’ll forgive him for going against popular scientific opinion on global warming.
The worst is behind him.
As everyone knows, many of his books were made into popular movies, most notably Jurassic Park. But what people don’t know are that he wrote screenplays as well, such as Twister. We discovered some of his unfilmed screenplays for sequels of his popular movies, and here we present our selections for the top five. As you can see, he was wise to stick to writing novels as his screenplays seem to recycle ideas from other popular movies.
5) The First Great Train Robbery 2: The Second Not So Great Train Robbery
Two crafty thieves attempt to steal gold from a different train than the one in the First Great Train Robbery. They become bored using the same ploys as the first film and decide to invent a time machine and travel to the future where they can rob a Shinkansen carrying gold bullion from Osaka to Tokyo. Unfortunately they are thwarted by a modern-day samurai with a pure heart who ass-kicks the Victorian brigands back to their time.
Don't try to run on top of this train.
4) Twister 2: Bad Weather
The tornado from Twister, unhappy about Jo and Bill discovering its secrets using DOROTHY, and not satisfied with the blood of Dr. Jonas Miller, tracks them to the Bahamas where it tries to kill them with high winds and flying debris. Instead of running away, Jo and Bill see this as a great opportunity to conduct more research and create TOTO, a device made out of bottle caps attached to highly sensitive sensors. They trick the tornado into sucking up TOTO, giving them invaluable information about tornadoes before the tornado is attacked by a hurricane and disappears.
Everyone complains about the weather, but no one does anything about it...until now!
3) Westworld II: Northworld
Martin from Westworld takes a vacation with a new friend named Blane (no relation to the Blane of the first movie) to a new park called Northworld, which is a fantasy world where you can interact with androids resembling Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus, and the elves.
Martin starts to hit it off with Mrs. Claus when suddenly the Santa Claus android goes berserk and starts throwing elves at Martin and Blane, killing Blane. Martin escapes by impaling the Santa robot with a giant candy cane.
I, Robot. Must kill you.
2) Andromeda Strain: Extinction
A group of scientists discovers yet another extraterrestrial organism, which turns humans into brain-eating zombies. The organism is “accidentally” released into the atmosphere, ironically infecting everyone on earth except the scientists and a girl named Alice. Alice helps the scientists escape to Alaska where there is no virus (and no culture) where they die of cold, starvation, and boredom.
Luckily, Alice has been cloned by another unrelated group of scientists who also cloned dinosaurs from DNA, leaving the world as it should be: dinosaurs and humans living in harmony.
No zombies in Alaska (just brain-dead politicians)
1) Jurassic Park 4: Jurassic Timeline
Rogue scientists at Jurassic Park invent a quantum time machine which they use to go back to the Jurassic Era to get dinosaur DNA so they can start another Jurassic Park in Orlando, Florida.
Another group of scientists, who are not in favor of time travel or dinosaurs, goes back in time to stop the first group. Some dinosaurs escape through the time portal and all the scientists go back to stop them. Unfortunately most of the scientists get eaten except for the one scientist who objected the most to time travel and dinosaurs.
A role was written for Jeff Goldblum as Dr. Malcolm, who time travels back to the Jurassic Era with the second group of scientists but stays behind so that the discovery of his bones will lend some credibility to the Flintstones.
Stupid humans
